Disclaimer: As always – writing has been edited for misspellings/grammar/etc and some parts may have been deleted for privacy.
March 7, 2015
Dear Society – A Letter about Love, Being Single, and Faith
Dear Society –
I feel like we need to take a minute to discuss something that has been on my mind a lot lately: love. Not just love, but the standards that are set on single individuals – by society, by their closest friends, by themselves. Maybe it’s on my mind because I feel I’ve had the same conversation with various people this past week and I’m frustrated. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of the pressures society puts on people to get married and settle down. Maybe I’m just tired of this conversation and want to get everything I’m feeling out in the open once and for all.
Society has this need for people to be “paired up” and I think it’s ridiculous. Is being single really the worse thing a person can be? Is being single worse than being unfair, greedy, passionless, uninspiring, cruel, prejudice, selfish, empty-headed, mean, vindictive, lazy, dishonest, arrogant, cynical, obsessive, pompous, or irresponsible? I don’t think so. I would rather be single over any of the other things any day. I think the need for society to pair people up is sad – like there is no possible way I can be happy because I’m single.
For a while, I bought into that notion; until the day I realized I was happy and I could be just as happy rather I was single or in a relationship. I was the girl who wanted to be in a relationship more than anything. I was the girl who would hang out with the boy I had no interest in because I felt the pressure from society to be in a relationship. I was the girl who wanted to be married more than anything else in the whole world.
Then I got the best advice about love and marriage and being single that anyone has ever given me: it’s better to stay single than to marry the wrong person. It’s deep. Very deep. I’m the type of girl who dates someone and knows there’s only two outcomes: either we’re going to break up or we’re going to be married. There is no in-between. If I’m complaining about you after one date, chances are I will be complaining about you for the rest of time. Which means you’re not the right person for me to marry and I’d rather not pursue a relationship with you. (Author’s Note: I understand people complain, myself included, but there are certain things that are deal breakers and when I start complaining you are/do/act/etc one of them, that’s what I mean by complaining)
I’m also taken aback by how people react to this way of thinking. Perhaps the greatest gift I was given in therapy so many years ago was the ability to understand myself on a level I never had before. I understand my needs, my wants, my desires. I’m in-tune with my emotions, feelings, and thoughts. I’m a good judge of people and I can figure out if I’m going to get along with you or not. I’m also stubborn, and once I make up my mind about someone, it’s incredibly hard to make me change my mind.
I was having this conversation about relationships the other day with someone I trust and I was getting annoyed. I made the comment that I’m not worried about the future, about getting married, about finding “the one” because when God wants me to find him, I will; and that if I’m ever having trouble trusting God, all I need to do is look back on the last 7.5 years of my life because through everything, God led me to where I’m supposed to be: right here. I believe with every fiber in my being that I’m right where I’m supposed to be, and I can look back on my life and realize how God worked in my life to land me here; through all the ups and downs, through every time I cried out to Him for help and every time I cursed at Him for taking my dad or the way my life was turning out, through every time I questioned what He wanted me to do and thanked Him for keeping me safe. God has proven to me over and over again that He has my back and He is not going to let anything happen to me. If I can trust God in every part of my life, I can trust Him to lead me to my husband.
What shocked me most about this conversation with this person was that they agreed with everything I said. Then the next day were back to trying to set me up with someone again. I was taken aback. After expressing how I felt, and being agreed with, I felt like once again society was trying to make me feel bad for not being in a relationship. Society was trying to set me up with someone I already said I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with. Society was so focused on the fact that I was single, that society didn’t care that I was happy being single right now – that I would rather stay single than even be in a relationship with the wrong person. I want to find a person who is so focused on God that the only reason he even notices me is because he hears God whispers “there she is” and looks up to see me. I want to be so focused on God that the only reason I notice my future husband is because I hear God whisper “there he is” and I look up and see him. I want a relationship built on faith and trust and kindness and loyalty and friendship.
Love will come when it’s supposed to come. Marriage with come when it’s supposed to come. Kids will come when they’re supposed to come. Being patient is hard, but dulling on what you don’t have is only going to keep you from living your life to the fullest. It’s impossible to know what the future holds, but God has already promised us that He knows what the future holds for us. That He knows where we’re going to end up. That He has everything under control. If I can trust God with every other part of my life, I can trust Him with leading my future husband and I together when the time is right.
Being single is not the worse thing a person can be and it’s a shame that society feels that it is. But then again, society feels that way about a lot of things – topics I do not wish to get into at the moment. It’s okay to be single. It’s okay to wait around for the perfect one. It’s not always going to be easy, but when I look at people who waited and have wonderful relationships with their spouses, I know that waiting around for the perfect one will be worth it in the end – regardless of what society says.
Love, Chelsea May