Excerpts from a Book I’ll Never Write

She couldn’t sleep. 

Her mind continued to drift back to him time and time again. 

Just when she thought she was finally over him, he always popped back into her life. 

A phone call. 

A text message. 

An unexpected visit. 

She rolled her eyes toward the Heavens. 

“A little help down here.”

“That’s not funny.”

“He’s going to break my heart.”

She declared lots of things to God. 

Truth is, she was never sure if she really liked him or not. 

Maybe she wanted to but didn’t know how. 

They were friends and everyone thought they should be more. 

But were they?

The subject had been danced around for years – neither one committing to making a move. 

She often felt like he was expecting too much from her. 

He wanted her to give up things she felt the need to hang onto. 

They weren’t bad habits. 

He felt she was too busy and wouldn’t have the time to commit. 

She knew that she would always make the time for anything and anyone if it was important. 

Friends tried to set her up with other people. 

“I don’t have the time,” she complained. 

“That’s never stopped you before.”

They were right. 

A lack of time had never stopped her before. 

If she wanted to date someone, she always made the time. 

However, this guy didn’t think she had the time. 

She knew she did. 

But something else nagged at her soul. 

He doesn’t support her. 

He says he wants what’s best for her but he doesn’t understand she needs to hang onto this just a while longer. 

How could she be attracted to someone if she don’t believe he would support her in anything she does?

The question rolled around her brain. 

Her cell phone buzzed. 

Another text from him. 

“A little help down here,” she begged God. 

She needed a sign. 

She needed to know what to do. 

Soon the texts would stop. 

She knew they would. 

She would find herself crying in the shower once more. 

Crying for what could have been. 

Crying for what was never meant to be. 

Crying for what she continued to allow herself to be put through. 

No, this time she wouldn’t get caught up. 

She would except the relationship for what it was, even if she didn’t know what it was. 

What happens when she lets go?

She’s scared she’ll never find the one. 

There’s not enough time to find him. 

“A little help down here.”

She begged God to answer her cries. 

Show her the way. 

Lead her to where her heart belonged.